I hate Boise.
There is always two sides to a coin, often heard, and so I try not to completely hate something and try to find a reason for why it is the way it is.
Boise has ruined me. My family fell apart here, familial relationship fell apart here, I was betrayed by many people, I trusted the wrong people and I made mistakes that I shouldn't have made. All this happened in Boise.
"if someone betrays you once, it's their fault, if someone betrays you twice, it's your fault"
You are a fool, Honey. Absolutely a fool.
Bottom line.
May you have the serenity to accept things you can't change,
the courage to change the things you can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Can't change: Past.
Remember your vow: Do not live in the past. Past is done. It's over. Not going to happen again, unless you let it. You can't change something that has already happened, so don't waster your time on it. Learn from it, move on from it.
Can't change: People and What they think.
Whether it's your family, friend, someone you are attached to or love, or someone you just happen to care about. It they don't want to change, you can't change them. Don't even attempt to think that you know something is good for someone and try to change them. Even if you think it's for their good, it'll backfire. Don't even try to change how someone thinks. It's their life, let me think whatever they want to think.
Can change: Yourself.
1. Talk less, interact less, only say what is necessary, otherwise keep your mouth shut. Sometimes its completely your fault that your stupid enough to say something without thinking or realizing what your about to say and how its going to impact someone. And other times you say something that you either don't mean to say and it comes out in wrong way or people misunderstand you.
2. Don't trust anyone. Again, remember your vow: Do not trust anyone. Be happy with yourself and learn how to trust yourself and no one else before you. Learn how to read people so you know how to deal with them in a proper manner.
Absolutely no one. Everyone has some selfish motive and repeatedly people have misused you, treated you badly and have failed to understand you. Do no trust anyone or share yourself/give yourself to anyone. Another vow related to this: Do not let other people walk all over you. You are an individual, rely on yourself. Be your own judgment and love yourself. You are the only person that can control your happiness. Don't give this power to other people, specially useless people.
Over and over again you have failed to recognize people or have given yourself, went out of your way or done things you shouldn't have done for people. Don't let anyone control you, your happiness, your abilities or your feelings.
3. Develop a bitchy attitude. More than 3 people have told you that you are too nice and can easily be taken advantage of and that's why people in your life have done what they have done, said what they have said. Because your nice and friendly, people think they can get away with whatever they want from you. You don't own anyone anything and nor are you in debt with anyone so put your foot down and don't allow anyone to walk in your life and act upon their will. Raise your voice, don't tolerate BS, and walk away from people without trying to explain anything. Another vow: Do not let people be part of your life who have hurt you, unless you can forgive completely. At the end of the day, you have to rely on your self for everything. You come alone in this world and you go alone. No need to put up with people's BS!
At the end of the day, it's about how you feel and who you are as a person to yourself.
As far as relating to other people, remember 3 things, You are not Mother Teresa, so
1. No need to spoon feed people
2. Don't eat people's bullshit
3. Have a backbone
You know you have a lot of capabilities, you know you are strong and you know that you can overcome any issue or problem, so don't fall trap because of other people and spend your energy on positive and potentially successful things.
5th vow: Do no dwell on yourself for anything. Make a decision, do it, deal with it. No need to sit and wonder. If it outcomes well, Good job! If it does not, learn from it and be careful for next time.
You are a human being. You have been successful at few things, have failed at few things; it's ok, it's not the end of the world, life goes on and you have yourself and your brain, so you don't need anything else to come power over you.
March 17, 2009- 20 years complete. Forget those 20 years. It's not going to happen again and you can't change what has already happened. Let it all go and start a new life.
Two things that will always lift you up when you are feeling down:
A Lesson in Life
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happen by chance or by means of good luck or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, sheer stupidity, all occur to test limits of our soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illness or relationship, life would be a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere.If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart- forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but they are teaching you to love, open your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt.
Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment, take from everything that you possibly can, for you'll never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to you. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one will believe in you.
You can make your life anything you wish. Create your life, the go out and live it.
I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)
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