Thursday, May 28, 2009

Stress Management Techniques

1. Change the game- Make the situation that is stressful different, modify that which is distressing in some way. 
2. Change your prespective- This is attitude management. Change what you are saying to yourself about it- change the interpretation you are making to make it more positive and less catastrophic. 
3. Think Positively- This is so important it's work saying again: work on emphasizing the positive in your thinking and your life. 
4. Change your body- This is building endurance through excercise. Regular excercise can do wonders to promote relaxation, improve self-esteem and genrally reverse the effects of stress. 
5. Eat Right- simple, but not always easy to practice. Good nutrition, a low fat, sugar, salt, processed food diet will go a lot further than will soft drinks, coffee and doughnuts. Fruits and vegetables are best. 
6. Relax- Use a specific relaxation technique 
7. Be Creative- Add a positive stress- a challenge, something you can do and feel good about it. The satisfaction you can derive is worth a lot. Everybody needs to feel special in at least one small way. 
8. Express Youself- through art, music, athelectics, drama, dance and appericiation of nature. Participate in something. Hobbies are good for you. 
9. Develop and Protect Healthy Relationships- this means building endurance through communication and social support. We can't go it alone in this world- you need friends, caring and love: all the positive emotions achievable only with others. 
10. Cultivate your sense of humor- Humor has a healing and protective power that is being appericiated more and more. Laughter is good therapy. 
11. Play- adults need time to play too. Healthy recreation and time out is important to physical and mental health. 
12. Seek Counseling- individual or marital. Talk with a counselor about those things in the past and present that make it difficult for you to more the person you want to be. 
13. Do something for someone else 
14. Plan Ahead- have alternative plans for handling predictable stressful events 
15. Seek Medial Attention- If you score high on stress tests. See a doctor. 
16. Learn to Forget- forget unpleasant experiences. Don't carry grudges. 
17. Pray- pay attention to the spiritual dimension of your life. You don't have ot born again to reap the benefits of faith. Hard core scientists are recognizing the benefits of prayer. 

How to Respond Assertively

LADDER 
L- Look at your rights, what you wants, what you need and your feelings about the situation. Let go of blame, the desire to hurt and self-pity. Define your goal and keep it in mind when you negotiate for change. 
A- Arrange time and place to discuss your problem that is convenient for you and for the other person. This step may be excluded when dealing with spontaneous situations in which you choose to be assertive, such as a when a person cuts ahead of you  in line. 
D- Define the problem situation as specifically as possible. 
D- Describe your feelings using "I messages." An "I message" expresses your feelings without evaluating or blaming others. Rather than saying, "you are inconsiderate" or "you have hurt me," the message would be, "I feel hurt." I message connect the feeling statement with specific behavior of the other person. 
E- Express your request in one or two easy-to-understand sentences. Be specific and firm. 
R- Reinforce the possibility of getting what you want by standing positive consequences should the other person cooperate with you. If necessary, state the negative consequences for failure to cooperate. 

Plan for being Assertive 
1. Identify those situations in which you want to be more effective. 
2. Describe what the problem is as speficially as you can. 
3. Write your assertive response (using ladder method) to be prepared to get what you want. 
4. Use body language (eye contact, speak clearly, don't be apologetic, make use of gestures and facial expressions for emphasis) 
5. Avoid being manipulated. 

Decision Making Model to Reduce Stress 
1. Recognize that you feel stress (pay attention to the signs and symptoms your body give you) 
2. Do a brief relaxation activity to prepare yourself fro the decision 
3. Identify your own personal values and goals, before making any decisions
4. List all alternatives (choices) and possible outcomes for each 
5. Make a decision based on values and goals 
6. Try it and evaluate results 
7. Consider other alternatives if you're not happy with initial results 

Being Assertive 
You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated. You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously, you can talk about yourself without being self-conscious, you can accept compliments comfortably, you can disagree with someone openly, you can ask for clarification and you can say no comfortably. 
When you are an assertive person, you can be more relaxed in your interactions with others and avoid stress associated with feeling guilty, inconsiderate or being taken advantage of. 

Passive 
- doesn't stand up for own rights 
- pushed around easily 
- talked into doing things he/she doesn't want to do
- lets himself/herself take blame often 
- gets taken advantage of often 

Assertive 
- stands up for own rights 
- expresses feelings openly and honestly 
- considers other's feelings 
- gets what he/she wants without making others mad
- doesn't feel guilty when acting in own interest 

Aggressive 
- accuses, threatens, argues to get own way 
- steps on other without regard for their feelings 
- gets what he/she wants, but usually makes other mad in the process 

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Recognizing a Patter- How Do Scholars Do It?

Narration 
What happened?
When did it happen?
Where did it happen?
Who did it?

Description
What does it look like?
What are its characteristics?
What impression does it make?

Exemplification
What are some typical cases or examples of it?

Process
How did it happen?
What makes it work?
How is it made?

Cause and Effect
Why did it happen?
What caused it?
What does it cause?
What are its effects?

Comparison and Contrast
How is it like other things?
How it it different from other things?

Classification and Division 
What are its parts and type?
How can its parts or types be separated or grouped?
Does it fit into logical order?
Into what catergories can it be arranged?
On what basis can it be catergorzied?

Definition
What is it?
How does it resemble other memebers of its class?
How does it differe from other memeber of its class?
What are its limits?


To Make Good First Impression

n smile and lean toward others as they talk

n if standing, keep your body fully facing the people you’re speaking with

n ask questions and follow up on people’s remarks; and in doing so, focus on opinions and feelings, not just facts

n don’t interrupt

n compliment others

n try to find common experiences or interests

n mention some vulnerabilities and laugh at yourself

n draw others out and encourage people to join the conversation

n put energy in your voice

n at least at the start, focus on positive comments, not criticisms or complaints

n offer a variety of topics

n share observations about everyday life

n share your passions and interests

n don’t dwell on the minutiae of your life, especially annoyances

n remember: people give more weight to their early information (were you engaged, warm, distracted, pompous?) than to later information, so be your most charming at the beginning of the conversation

n remember: most people are more eager to be found interesting, funny, or insightful than to be interested, amused, or informed by you

Time Management Tips

1.Count all your time as time to be used and make every attempt to get satisfaction out of every moment.

2.Find something to enjoy in whatever you do.

3.Try to be an optimist and seek out the good in your life.

4.Find ways to build on your successes.

5.Stop regretting your failures and start learning from your mistakes.

6.Remind yourself, "There is always enough time for the important things." If it is important, you should be able to make

   time to do it.

7.Continually look at ways of freeing up your time.

8.Examine your old habits and search for ways to change or eliminate them.

9.Try to use waiting time -review notes or do practice problems.

10.Keep paper or a calendar with you to jot down the things you have to do or notes to yourself.

11.Examine and revise your lifetime goals on a monthly basis and be sure to include progress towards those goals on a

   daily basis.

12.Put up reminders in your home or office about your goals.

13.Always keep those long term goals in mind.

14.Plan your day each morning or the night before and set priorities for yourself.

15.Maintain and develop a list of specific things to be done each day, set your priorities and the get the most important

   ones done as soon in the day as you can. Evaluate your progress at the end of the day briefly.

16.Look ahead in your month and try and anticipate what is going to happen so you can better schedule your time.

17.Try rewarding yourself when you get things done as you had planned, especially the important ones.

18.Do first things first.

19.Have confidence in yourself and in your judgement of priorities and stick to them no matter what.

20.When you catch yourself procrastinating-ask yourself, "What am I avoiding?"

21.Start with the most difficult parts of projects, then either the worst is done or you may find you don't have to do all the

   other small tasks.

22.Catch yourself when you are involved in unproductive projects and stop as soon as you can.

23.Find time to concentrate on high priority items or activities.

24.Concentrate on one thing at a time.

25.Put your efforts in areas that provide long term benefits.

26.Push yourself and be persistent, especially when you know you are doing well.

27.Think on paper when possible-it makes it easier to review and revise.

28.Be sure and set deadlines for yourself whenever possible.

29.Delegate responsibilities whenever possible.

30.Ask for advice when needed.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

50 Things Everybody Should Learn How To Do

1. Build a Fire – Fire produces heat and light, two basic necessities for living. At some point in your life this knowledge may be vital.

2. Operate a Computer – Fundamental computer knowledge is essential these days. Please, help those in need.

3. Use Google Effectively – Google knows everything. If you’re having trouble finding something with Google, it’s you that needs help.

4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver – Someday it may be your wife, husband, son or daughter that needs help.

5. Drive a Manual Transmission Vehicle – There will come a time when you’ll be stuck without this knowledge.

6. Do Basic Cooking – If you can’t cook your own steak and eggs, you probably aren’t going to make it.

7. Tell a Story that Captivates People’s Attention – If you can’t captivate their attention, you should probably just save your breath.

8. Win or Avoid a Fistfight – Either way, you win.

9. Deliver Bad News – Somebody has got to do it. Unfortunately, someday that person will be you.

10. Change a Tire – Because tires have air in them, and things with air in them eventually pop.

11. Handle a Job Interview – I promise, sweating yourself into a nervous panic won’t land you the job.

12. Manage Time – Not doing so is called wasting time, which is okay sometimes, but not all the time.

13. Speed Read – Sometimes you just need the basic gist, and you needed it 5 minutes ago.

14. Remember Names – Do you like when someone tries to get your attention by screaming “hey you”?

15. Relocate Living Spaces – Relocating is always a little tougher than you originally imagined.

16. Travel Light – Bring only the necessities. It’s the cheaper, easier, smarter thing to do.

17. Handle the Police – Because jail isn’t fun… and neither is Bubba.

18. Give Driving Directions – Nobody likes driving around in circles. Get this one right the first time.

19. Perform Basic First Aid – You don’t have to be a doctor, or genius, to properly dress a wound.

20. Swim – 71% of the Earth’s surface is covered by water. Learning to swim might be a good idea.

21. Parallel Park – Parallel parking is a requirement on most standard driver’s license driving tests, yet so many people have no clue how to do it. How could this be?

22. Recognize Personal Alcohol Limits – Otherwise you may wind up likethis charming fellow.

23. Select Good Produce – Rotten fruits and vegetables can be an evil tease and an awful surprise.

24. Handle a Hammer, Axe or Handsaw – Carpenters are not the only ones who need tools. Everyone should have a basic understanding of basic hand tools.

25. Make a Simple Budget – Being in debt is not fun. A simple budget is the key.

26. Speak at Least Two Common Languages – Only about 25% of the world’s population speaks English. It would be nice if you could communicate with at least some of the remaining 75%.

27. Do Push-Ups and Sit-Ups Properly – Improper push-ups and sit-ups do nothing but hurt your body and waste your time.

28. Give a Compliment – It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, and it’s free.

29. Negotiate – The better deal is only a question or two away.

30. Listen Carefully to Others – The more you listen and the less you talk, the more you will learn and the less you will miss.

31. Recite Basic Geography – If you don’t know where anything is outside of your own little bubble, most people will assume (and they are probably correct) that you don’t know too much at all.

32. Paint a Room – The true cost of painting is 90% labor. For simple painting jobs it makes no sense to pay someone 9 times what it would cost you to do it yourself.

33. Make a Short, Informative Public Speech – At the next company meeting if your boss asks you to explain what you’ve been working on over the last month, a short, clear, informative response is surely your best bet. “Duhhh…” will not cut it.

34. Smile for the Camera – People that absolutely refuse to smile for the camera suck!

35. Flirt Without Looking Ridiculous – There is a fine line between successful flirting and utter disaster. If you try too hard, you lose. If you don’t try hard enough, you lose.

36. Take Useful Notes – Because useless notes are useless, and not taking notes is a recipe for failure.

37. Be a Respectful House Guest – Otherwise you will be staying in a lot of hotels over the years.

38. Make a Good First Impression – Aristotle once said, “well begun is half done.

39. Navigate with a Map and Compass – What happens when the GPS craps out and you’re in the middle of nowhere?

40. Sew a Button onto Clothing – It sure is cheaper than buying a new shirt.

41. Hook Up a Basic Home Theater System – This isn’t rocket science. Paying someone to do this shows sheer laziness.

42. Type – Learning to type could save you days worth of time over the course of your lifetime.

43. Protect Personal Identity Information – Personal identity theft is not fun unless you are the thief. Don’t be careless.

44. Implement Basic Computer Security Best Practices – You don’t have to be a computer science major to understand the fundamentals of creating complex passwords and using firewalls. Doing so will surely save you a lot of grief someday.

45. Detect a Lie – People will lie to you. It’s a sad fact of life.

46. End a Date Politely Without Making Promises – There is no excuse for making promises you do not intend to keep. There is also no reason why you should have to make a decision on the spot about someone you hardly know.

47. Remove a Stain – Once again, it’s far cheaper than buying a new one.

48. Keep a Clean House – A clean house is the foundation for a clean, organized lifestyle.

49. Hold a Baby – Trust me, injuring a baby is not what you want to do.

50. Jump Start a Car – It sure beats walking or paying for a tow truck.

Things You Should Learn (How to be Successful)

1. How to Predict Consequences

The most common utterance at the scene of a disaster is, "I never thought..." The fact is, most people are very bad at predicting consquences, and schools never seem to think to teach them how to improve.
The prediction of consequences is part science, part mathematics, and part visualization. It is essentially the ability to create a mental model imaging the service of events that would follow, "what would likely happen if...?"

The danger in such situations is focusing on what you want to happen rather than what might happen instead. When preparing to jump across a gap, for example, you may visualize yourself landing on the other side. This is good; it leads to successful jumping. But you need also to visualize not landing on the other side.

What would happen then? Have you even contemplated the likely outcome of a 40 meters fall?

This is where the math and science come in. You need to compare the current situation with your past experience and calculate the proabilities of different outcomes. If, for example, you are looking at a five meter gap, you should be asking, "How many times have I successfully jumped five meters? How many times have I failed?" If you don't know, you should know enough to attempt a test jump over level ground.

People don't think ahead. But while you are in school, you should always be taking the opportunity to ask yourself, "what will happen next?" Watch situations and interactions unfold in the environment around you and try to predict the outcome. Write down or blog your predictions. With practice, you will become expert at predicting consequences.

Even more interestingly, over time, you will begin to observe patterns and generalities, things that make consequences even easier to predict. Things fall, for example. Glass breaks. People get mad when you insult them. Hot things will be dropped. Dogs sometimes bite. The bus (or train) is sometimes late. These sorts of generalizations - often known as 'common sense' - will help you avoid unexpected, and sometimes damaging, consequences.

2. How to Read

Oddly, by this I do not mean "literacy" in the traditional sense, but rather, how to look at some text and to understand, in a deep way, what is being asserted (this also applies to audio and video, but grounding yourself in text will transfer relatively easily, if incompletely, to other domains).

The four major types of writing are: description, argument, explanation and definition. You should learn to recognize these different types of writing by learning to watch for indicators or keywords.

Then, you should learn how sentences are joined together to form these types of writing. For example, an argument will have two major parts, a premise and a conclusion. The conclusion is the point the author is trying to make, and it should be identified with an indicator (such as the words "therefore", "so", or "consequently", for example).

A lot of writing is fill - wasted words intended to make the author look good, to distract your attention, or to simply fill more space. Being able to cut through the crap and get straight to what is actually being said, without being distracted, is an important skill.

Though your school will never teach you this, find a basic book on informal logic (it will have a title like "critical thinking" or something like that). Look in the book for argument forms and indicator words (most of these books don't cover the other three types of writing) and practice spotting these words in text and in what the teacher says in class. Every day, focus on a specific indicator word and watch how it is used in practice.

3. How to Distinguish Truth from Fiction

I have written extensively on this elsewhere, nonetheless, this remains an area schools to a large degree ignore. Sometimes I suspect it is because teachers feel their students must absorb knowledge uncritically; if they are questioning everything the teacher says they'll never learn!

The first thing to learn is to actully question what you are told, what you read, and what you see on television. Do not simply accept what you are told. Always ask, how can you know that this is true? What evidence would lead you to believe that it is false?

Every day, subject at least one piece of information (a newspaper column, a blog post, a classroom lecture) to thorough scrutiny. Analyze each sentence, analyze every word, and ask yourself what you are expected to believe and how you are expected to feel. Then ask whether you have sufficient reason to believe and feel this way, or whether you are being manipulated.

4. How to Empathize

Most people live in their own world, and for the most part, that's OK. But it is important to at least recognize that there are other people, and that they live in their own world as well. This will save you from the error of assuming that everyone else is like you. And even more importantly, this will allow other people to become a surprising source of new knowledge and insight.

Part of this process involves seeing things through someone else's eyes. A person may be, quite literally, in a different place. They might not see what you see, and may have seen things you didn't see. Being able to understand how this change in perspective may change what they believe is important.

But even more significantly, you need to be able to imagine how other people feel. This mans that you have to create a mental model of the other person's thoughts and feelings in your own mind, and to place yourself in that model. This is best done by imagining that you are the other person, and then placing yourself into a situation.

When you are empathetic you will begin to seek out and understand ways that help bridge the gap between you and other people. Being polite and considerate, for example, will become more important to you. You will be able to feel someone's hurt if you are rude to them. In the same way, it will become more important to be honest, because you will begin to see how transparent your lies are, and how offensive it feels to be thought of as someone who is that easily fooled.

Empathy isn't some sort of bargain. It isn't the application of the Golden Rule. It is a genuine feeling in yourself that operates in synch with the other person, a way of accessing their inner mental states through the sympathetic operation of your own mental states. You are polite because you feel bad when you are rude; you are honest because you feel offended when you lie.

You need to learn how to have this feeling, but once you have it, you will understand how empty your life was before you had it.

5. How to be Creative

Everybody can be creative, and if you look at your own life you will discover that you are already creative in numerous ways. Humans have a natural capacity to be creative - that's how our minds work - and with practice can become very good at it.

The trick is to understand how creativity works. Sometimes people think that creative ideas spring out of nothing (like the proverbial "blank page" staring back at the writer) but creativity is in fact the result of using and manipulating your knowledge in certain ways.

Genuine creativity is almost always a response to something. Creativity also arises in response to a specific problem: how to rescue a cat, how to cross a gap, how to hang laundry.

So, in order to be creative, the first thing to do is to learn to look for problems to solve, things that merit a response, needs that need to be filled. This takes practice (try writing it down, or blogging it, every time you see a problem or need).

In addition, creativity involves a transfer of knowledge from one domain to another domain, and sometimes a manipulation of that knowledge. When you see a gap in real life, how did you cross a similar gap in an online game? Or, if you need to clean up battery acid, how did you get rid of excess acid in your stomach?

Creativity, in other words, often operates by metaphor, which means you need to learn how to find things in common between the current situation and other things you know. This is what is typically meant by "thinking outside the box" - you want to go to outside the domain of the current problem. And the particular skill involved is pattern recognition. This skill is hard to learn, and requires a lot of practice, which is why creativity is hard.

But pattern recognition can be learned - it's what you are doing when you say one song is similar to another, or when you are taking photographs of, say, flowers or fishing boats. The arts very often involve finding patterns in things, which is why, this year, you should devote some time every day to an art - music, photography, video, drawing, painting or poetry.

6. How to Communicate Clearly

Communicating clearly is most of all a matter of knowing what you want to say, and then employing some simple tools in order to say it. Probably the hardest part of this is knowing what you want to say. But it is better to spend time being sure you understand what you mean than to write a bunch of stuff trying to make it more or less clear.

Knowing what to say is often a matter of structure. Professional writers employ a small set of fairly standard structures. For example, some writers prefer articles (or even whole books!) consisting of a list of points, like this article. Another structure, often called 'pyramid style', is employed by journalists - the entire story is told in the first paragraph, and each paragraph thereafter offers less and less important details.

Inside this overall structure, writers provide arguments, explanations, descriptions or definitions, sometimes in combination. Each of these has a distinctive structure. An argument, for example, will have a conclusion, a point the writer wants you to believe. The conclusion will be supported by a set of premises. Linking the premises and the conclusion will be a set of indicators. The word "therefore", for example, points to the conclusion.

Learning to write clearly is a matter of learning about the tools, and then practice in their application. Probably the best way to learn how to structure your writing is to learn how to give speeches without notes. This will force you to employ a clear structure (one you can remember!) and to keep it straightforward.

Additionally, master the tools the professionals use. Learn the structure of arguments, explanations, descriptions and definitions. Learn the indicator words used to help readers navigate those structures. Master basic grammar, so your sentences are unambiguous. Information on all of these can be found online.

Then practice your writing every day. A good way to practice is to join a student or volunteer newspaper - writing with a team, for an audience, against a deadline. It will force you to work more quickly, which is useful, because it is faster to write clearly than to write poorly. If no newspaper exists, create one, or start up a news blog.

7. How to Learn

Your brain consists of billions of neural cells that are connected to each other. To learn is essentially to form sets of those connections. Your brain is always learning, whether you are studying mathematics or staring at the sky, because these connections are always forming. The difference in what you learn lies in how you learn.

When you learn, you are trying to create patterns of connectivity in your brain. You are trying to connect neurons together, and to strengthen that connection. This is accomplished by repeating sets of behaviours or experiences. Learning is a matter of practice and repetition.

Thus, when learning anything - from '2+2=4' to the principles of quantuum mechanics - you need to repeat it over and over, in order to grow this neural connection. Sometimes people learn by repeating the words aloud - this form of rote learning was popular not so long ago. Taking notes when someone talks is also good, because you hear it once, and then repeat it when you write it down.

Think about learning how to throw a baseball. Someone can explain everything about it, and you can understand all of that, but you still have to throw the ball several thousand times before you get good at it. You have to grow your neural connections in just the same way you grow your muscles.

Some people think of learning as remembering sets of facts. It can be that, sometimes, but learning is more like recognition than remembering. Because you are trying to build networks of neural cells, it is better to learn a connected whole rather than unconnected parts, where the connected whole you are learning in one domain has the same pattern as a connected whole you already know in another domain. Learning in one domain, then, becomes a matter of recognizing that pattern.

Sometimes the patterns we use are very artificial, as in 'every good boy deserves fudge' (the sentence helps us remember musical notes). In other cases, and more usefully, the pattern is related to the laws of nature, logical or mathematical principles, the flow of history, how something works as a whole, or something like that. Drawing pictures often helps people find patterns (which is why mind-maps and concept maps are popular).

Indeed, you should view the study of mathematics, history, science and mechanics as the study of archetypes, basic patterns that you will recognize over and over. But this means that, when you study these disciplines, you should be asking, "what is the pattern" (and not merely "what are the facts"). And asking this question will actually make these disciplines easier to learn.

Learning to learn is the same as learning anything else. It takes practice. You should try to learn something every day - a random word in the dictionary, or a random Wikipedia entry. When learning this item, do not simply learn it in isolation, but look for patterns - does it fit into a pattern you already know? Is it a type of thing you have seen before? Embed this word or concept into your existing knowledge by using it in some way - write a blog post containing it, or draw a picture explaining it.

Think, always, about how you are learning and what you are learning at any given moment. Remember, you are always learning - which means you need to ask, what are you learning when you are watching television, going shopping, driving the car, playing baseball? What sorts of patterns are being created? What sorts of patterns are being reinforced? How can you take control of this process?

8. How to Stay Healthy

As a matter of practical consideration, the maintenance of your health involves two major components: minimizing exposure to disease or toxins, and maintenance of the physical body.

Minimizing exposure to disease and toxins is mostly a matter of cleanliness and order. Simple things - like keeping the wood alcohol in the garage, and not the kitchen cupboard - minimize the risk of accidental poisoning. Cleaning cooking surfaces and cooking food completely reduces the risk of bacterial contamination. Washing your hands regularly prevents transmission of human borne viruses and diseases.

In a similar manner, some of the hot-button issues in education today are essentially issues about how to warn against exposure to diseases and toxins. In a nutshell: if you have physical intercourse with another person you are facilitating the transmission of disease, so wear protection. Activities such as drinking, eating fatty foods, smoking, and taking drugs are essentially the introduction of toxins into your system, so do it in moderation, and where the toxins are significant, don't do it at all.

Personal maintenance is probably even more important, as the major threats to health are generally those related to physical deterioration. The subjects of proper nutrition and proper exercise should be learned and practiced. Even if you do not become a health freak (and who does?) it is nonetheless useful to know what foods and types of actions are beneficial, and to create a habit of eating good foods and practicing beneficial actions.

Every day, seek to be active in some way - cycle to work or school, walk a mile, play a sport, or exercise. In addition, every day, seek to eat at least one meal that is "good for you", that consists of protein and minerals (like meat and vegetables, or soy and fruit). If your school is not facilitating proper exercise and nutrition, demand them! You can't learn anything if you're sick and hungry! Otherwise, seek to establish an alternative program of your own, to be employed at noonhours.

Finally, remember: you never have to justify protecting your own life and health. If you do not want to do something because you think it is unsafe, then it is your absolute right to refuse to do it. The consequences - any consequences - are better than giving in on this.

9. How to Value Yourself

It is perhaps cynical to say that society is a giant conspiracy to get you to feel badly about yourself, but it wouldn't be completely inaccurate either. Advertisers make you feel badly so you'll buy their product, politicians make you feel incapable so you'll depend on their policies and programs, even your friends and acquaintances may seek to make you doubt yourself in order to seek an edge in a competition.

You can have all the knowledge and skills in the world, but they are meaningless if you do not feel personally empowered to use them; it's like owning a Lamborghini and not having a driver's license. It looks shiny in the driveway, but your not really getting any value out of it unless you take it out for a spin.

Valuing yourself is partially a matter of personal development, and partially a matter of choice. In order to value yourself, you need to feel you are worth valuing. In fact, you are worth valuing, but it often helps to prove it to yourself by attaining some objective, learning some skill, or earning some distinction. And in order to value yourself, you have to say "I am valuable."

How we think about ourselves is as much a matter of learning as anything else. If somebody tells you that you are worthless over and over, and if you do nothing to counteract that, then you will come to believe you are worthless, because that's how your neural connections will form. But if you repeat, and believe, and behave in such a way as to say to yourself over and over, I am valuable, then that's what you will come to believe.

What is it to value yourself? It's actually many things. For example, it's the belief that you are good enough to have an opinion, have a voice, and have a say, that your contributions do matter. It's the belief that you are capable, that you can learn to do new things and to be creative. It is your ability to be independent, and to not rely on some particular person or institution for personal well-being, and autonomous, capable of making your own decisions and living your live in your own way.

All of these things are yours by right. But they will never be given to you. You have to take them, by actually believing in yourself (no matter what anyone says) and by actually being autonomous.

Do it every day. Tell yourself that you are smart, you are cool, you are strong, you are good, and whatever else you want to be. Say it out loud, in the morning - hidden in the noise of the shower, if need be, but say it. Then, practice these attributes. Be smart by (say) solving a crossword puzzle. Be cool by making your own fashion statement. Be strong by doing something you said to yourself you were going to do. Be good by doing a good deed. And every time you do it, remind yourself that you have, in fact, done it.

10. How to Live Meaningfully

Living meaningfully is actually a combination of several things. It is, in one sense, your dedication to some purpose or goal. But it is also your sense of appreciation and dedication to the here and now. And finally, it is the realization that your place in the world, your meaningfulness, is something you must create for yourself.

Too many people live for no reason at all. They seek to make more and more money, or they seek to make themselves famous, or to become powerful, and whether or not they attain these objectives, they find their lives empty and meaningless. This is because they have confused means and ends - money, fame and power are things people seek in order to do what is worth doing.

That is up to you to decide. I have chosen to dedicate my life to helping people obtain an education. Others seek to cure diseases, to explore space, to worship God, to raise a family, to design cars, or to attain enlightenment.

If you don't decide what is worth doing, someone will decide for you, and at some point in your life you will realize that you haven't done what is worth doing at all. So spend some time, today, thinking about what is worth doing. You can change your mind tomorrow. But begin, at least, to guide yourself somewhere.

The second thing is sometimes thought of as 'living in the moment'. It is essentially an understanding that you control your thoughts. Your thoughts have no power over you; the only thing that matters at all is this present moment. If you think about something - some hope, some failure, some fear - that thought cannot hurt you, and you choose how much or how little to trust that thought.

Another aspect of this is the following: what you are doing right now is the thing that you most want to do. Now you may be thinking, "No way! I'd rather be on Malibu Beach!" But if you really wanted to be on Malibu Beach, you'd be there. The reason you are not is because you have chosen other priorities in your life - to your family, to your job, to your country.

When you realize you have the power to choose what you are doing, you realize you have the power to choose the consequences. Which means that consequences - even bad consequences - are for the most part a matter of choice. That said, this understanding is very liberating.