L- Look at your rights, what you wants, what you need and your feelings about the situation. Let go of blame, the desire to hurt and self-pity. Define your goal and keep it in mind when you negotiate for change.
A- Arrange time and place to discuss your problem that is convenient for you and for the other person. This step may be excluded when dealing with spontaneous situations in which you choose to be assertive, such as a when a person cuts ahead of you in line.
D- Define the problem situation as specifically as possible.
D- Describe your feelings using "I messages." An "I message" expresses your feelings without evaluating or blaming others. Rather than saying, "you are inconsiderate" or "you have hurt me," the message would be, "I feel hurt." I message connect the feeling statement with specific behavior of the other person.
E- Express your request in one or two easy-to-understand sentences. Be specific and firm.
R- Reinforce the possibility of getting what you want by standing positive consequences should the other person cooperate with you. If necessary, state the negative consequences for failure to cooperate.
Plan for being Assertive
1. Identify those situations in which you want to be more effective.
2. Describe what the problem is as speficially as you can.
3. Write your assertive response (using ladder method) to be prepared to get what you want.
4. Use body language (eye contact, speak clearly, don't be apologetic, make use of gestures and facial expressions for emphasis)
5. Avoid being manipulated.
Decision Making Model to Reduce Stress
1. Recognize that you feel stress (pay attention to the signs and symptoms your body give you)
2. Do a brief relaxation activity to prepare yourself fro the decision
3. Identify your own personal values and goals, before making any decisions
4. List all alternatives (choices) and possible outcomes for each
5. Make a decision based on values and goals
6. Try it and evaluate results
7. Consider other alternatives if you're not happy with initial results
Being Assertive
You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated. You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously, you can talk about yourself without being self-conscious, you can accept compliments comfortably, you can disagree with someone openly, you can ask for clarification and you can say no comfortably.
When you are an assertive person, you can be more relaxed in your interactions with others and avoid stress associated with feeling guilty, inconsiderate or being taken advantage of.
Passive
- doesn't stand up for own rights
- pushed around easily
- talked into doing things he/she doesn't want to do
- lets himself/herself take blame often
- gets taken advantage of often
Assertive
- stands up for own rights
- expresses feelings openly and honestly
- considers other's feelings
- gets what he/she wants without making others mad
- doesn't feel guilty when acting in own interest
Aggressive
- accuses, threatens, argues to get own way
- steps on other without regard for their feelings
- gets what he/she wants, but usually makes other mad in the process
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