A Comparison of Passive, Assertive and Aggressive Behavior

Passive
Verbal: You avoid saying what you want, think or feel. if you do, you say them in such a way that you put yourself down. Apologetic words with hidden meanings are frequent. A smoke screen of vague words or silence, 'know', 'well..', 'I mean..', 'I guess', and 'I'm sorry' You allow others to choose for you.
Non Verbal: You use actions instead of words. You hope someone will guess what you want. You look as if you don't mean what you say. Your voice is weak, hesitant and soft. You whisper in monotone. Your eyes are to the side or downcast. You nod your head to almost anything anyone says. You sit or stand as far away as you can from the other person. You don't know what to do with your hands and they are trembling and clammy. You look uncomfortable, shuffle, and are tense or inhibited.
Apparent Goals: To be pleased, to be liked.
Feelings: You feel anxious, ignored, hurt, manipulated, and disappointed with yourself. You are often angry and resentful later.

Assertive
Verbal: You say what you honestly want, think and feel in direct and helpful ways. You make your own choices. You communicate with tact and humor. You use 'I' statements. Your words are clear and well chosen.
Non-Verbal: You listen closely. Your manner is calm and assured. You communicate caring and strength. Your voice is firm, warm and expressive. You look directly at the other person, but you don't stare. You face the person. Your hands are relaxed. You hold your head erect and you lean toward the other person. you have a relaxed expression.
Goals: To communicate, to be respected.
Feelings: You feel confident and successful. You feel good about yourself at the time and later. You feel in control, you have self-respect and you are goal oriented.

Aggressive
Verbal: You say what you want, think and feel, but at the expense of others. You use 'loaded' words and "you" statements that label and blame. You are full of threats and accusations and apply one-manship.
Non-Verbal: You make an exaggerated show of strength. You are flippant. You have an air of superiority. Your voice is tense, loud, cold and demanding. You are deadly quiet. Your eyes are narrow, cold and staring. You almost see through the other people. You take a mach fight stance. Your hands are on your hips and you are inches from the other people. Your hands are in fists or your fingers are pointed at the other person. You are tense and angry appearing.
Goals: To dominate or humiliate.
Feelings: You feel self-righteous, controlling and superior. Sometimes you feel embarrassed or selfish later.