Believe

"Believe in yourself"
I think this statement is a cliche, like many things in life.
For the genuineness of success, motivation, etc. this statement applies well.
On the contrary, I do think many times people believe what they want to believe regardless of any other notions. This would be an umbrella statement, because many things such as religion, political party, superstitions, theories, ideas (you get my point). But here I am talking about everyday things, that people believe because strictly they just want to believe it. This goes with relationship outlooks, career, hobbies, etc.
What is most disappointing is that we firmly keep believing and then we are proven wrong, which is what causes depression, struggle, cognition processing, self-esteem and confidence issues, and many things relating to mental health.
Right now there are many things I believe, or another words, since I realize the defect, things I want to believe, but have a hard time making myself at peace with it.
I am at rock bottom of things, and I need to find a way to stay peaceful, improve my health and become the active, outgoing, busy busy honey again.
I don't consider myself a poem writer, but here a try at it:

I believe I am going to live for another 50-60 years.
I believe I am going to be successful in my career as a graphic designer.
I believe I am going to be an amazing dancer.
I believe I am going to be a very involved in the community.
I believe I am going to be a CEO of a company that I find.
I believe I am going to be an author of a published book.
I believe I am going to be able to read, write and speak fluently a foreign language.
I believe I am going to be a great violin player.
I believe I am going to be a director of a movie.
I believe I am going to be a traveler.
I believe I am going to be a great artist (drawing and painting).
I believe I am going to be learn how to forgive completely.
I believe I am going to be able to make a difference in the world.
I believe I am going to be learn to accept compliments and insults.
I believe I am going to complain efficiently.
I believe I am going to overcome my fears and failures.

I can keep making a list of things I believe, but I just realized something, I have made this sound like I have all the time in the world to put it off to tomorrow. I want to turn this list in to I believe __________ now. Instead of adding on more things to list, I am going to start taking these list and turn it into a present state.
I need to start living like there is only today, no tomorrow.
I was reading a book and here is a little insert from it:
A man woke up first thing in the morning he would put on all the music, dance, sing, and just enjoy as if he was celebrating his funeral, this gave him a chance to think about today only, as if he was going to die my next morning.
Its very difficult to do this, but I am going to try my best to live today, and today only.

For some reason, I have a hard time sleeping these days. I am afraid to go to sleep because my mind is always in a negative state of mind. Usually, I can get through the day with keeping myself busy, so I don't think about anything negative or get negative feelings, but when I am going to sleep, I know my mind is going to be empty cause I am going to try to sleep. It takes me over 3 hours to fight all these negatives thoughts and finally fall asleep. Even in the morning, I get aggitated easily, frustrated, angry, hopeless, and all things I have done well preventing all my life.
Again, I need to improve my health and that will most likely take care of rest of things.


Its the impression people believe in, not the reality.

Live as if it was your last day on earth.